


Kill The President, You Horrible Goose

by fanficfriends



Series: Session 2 [10]
Category: Donkey Kong (Video Games), Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Break Up, DK has a gun and i panic about it for ages, Fire, Guns are involved so if ur not into it then leave ig, M/M, They're also sort of assassins?, but hes MY oc1!!! so blah, idk - Freeform, the president is also def based on trump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25870717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficfriends/pseuds/fanficfriends
Summary: Donkey Kong is determined to carry out this hit and do his job, but his partner has other things to say apparently.
Relationships: Donkey Kong/Horrible Goose
Series: Session 2 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877158
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Kill The President, You Horrible Goose

Donkey Kong had to kill the president and his job partner was a horrible horrible goose.

The goose, for one, wouldn’t shut up. It was so loud. It was like its life sonsited of four actions and one was pressing a button to honk on command. Sneaking into the White House required stealth, and honking at every moving thing was not sneaky actually.

Donkey Kong fixated this goose with a glare from his brown orbs that really hopefully said “listen up, once we kill this guy I’ll be one away from displaying the real skulls of every US president in my treehouse, so you better not screw this up.’ The goose just honled. Again. Actually itd never stopped honkong. Donkey Kong didn’t think it could, actually.

It didn’t matter. Donkey Kong was going to sneak into the White House and kill the president no matter what this stupid horrible goose did to stop him. Donkey Kong started forward. Te plan was simple. He’d eaten so many bananas that he was immune to bullets due to the potassium, and also he was an ape so he could just climb up to the second floor where the president’s office was, so he was just kinda gonna stroll in there and go for it. This had worked for the other presidents he’d gotten the skulls of. He hadn’t gotten arrested bc he was just too cool (and he had Diddy and Dixie and Cranky to help him escape from jail but that’s not this story bc that would be knida cool actually? AN Donkey Kong like gets a gun. He canonical gets a gun. I forgot about that until right now but i can give Donkey Kong a gun and its CANON end AN.) 

Donkey Kong pulled out his GUN ad climbed over the fence that surrounds the White House easily because he’s an ape. Surprisingly, the goose can fly. Not that that’s surprising, Donkey Kong was kinda just hoping teh goose would give up and leave. Little did he know that the goose never gave up.

The one guard outside the White House was like ‘oh no’ and went to shoot at Donkey kong. Donkey KOng wasn’t worried aboutthe bullets because he was immune to them, but as he decided whether to shoot the man with his coconut gun or just punch him, the shooting stopped. DK looked up and saw that the goose had something.

What does he have, dK wondered.

A gun, the glint in the goose’s eyes said.

No! The guard panicked before running after the goose. The goose just honkedand ran away. 

Not nly did the stolen guard follow the goose, but so did every other aurd in the white house. The entire Secret Service was after this goose. Donkey Kong walked up to the front doors of the white house and held them open as more people ran out to chase the goose. They were oddly focused on the goose, a nataive species to Washington DC, instead of the the ape that was definitely not native to the area and also was wearing a tie. It worked, though DK was sad he didnt get to shoot anyone with his GUN that he OWNED. 

Dk walked into the front door after all the challenge had run after the goose and made his way up the stairs to where the president was. The Whiet house may have been big but lckily it was so big they didn’t use like 90% of the rooms. 

Suddenly, as he was walking by the big circular room (why did they build a room in a circle? There’s no corners and like itll end up being a waste of smace), he heard a honk. There the goose was! On the balcony! It no longer had a gun but it did have a puppy, which was weird because there shouldn’t have been a puppy near the white house bc the president hated dogs, but donkey kong, like most people, liked dogs, so this was a plus. He named the dog Marco.

The goose maybe was starting to grow on DK. For one, it did get him into the white house with 1000% less murder than he thought, which was good, but hed kinda wanted to use his GUn, so that was a negative. Jury was still out.

The goose didn’t shut up as donkey kong walked around the white house, pulling flower vases down, destroying paintings, moving items from one table to another, and generally being a problem on purpose. This created a lot of noise DK wanted to stop. This was supposed to be a quick pit stop bc he had to Play a Gig with the Band that he’s IN (AN god dk is so wacky, hes in a band?????/ what? th e band instruments are sax, trombone, guitar, bongos, and a triangle??????? Like ahhhhhhhh end AN(. 

But when Dk and the goose and Maro his new dog walked into where the president should be, he wasn’t there!

DK was pissed off bc he really wanted to finish his serial killer president skull collection and now he couldnt bc the goose scared the president away!. This meant one thing. He had to break up witht he goose.

Actually he didn’t know why the goose was here in the first place. Was he also a serial killer? Was he here to thwart dk’s plans? Or did he just like causing problems on purpose? Would anyone ever really know? 

DK felt bad about killing this goose with his GUN bc technically it hadn’t like committed an really bad crimes, so he just decided to knockw out the goose. He tried to uch the goose, but the goose doged and instead grabbed his tie!

Donktye kong started spinning around frantically to try and dislodge the goose. This only succeeded in making teh goose fly around in a circle tethered to his tie like one of those carnival rides with the seats that you sit in and they’re swings and then it rises up and spins and you go around in circles and like Centripetal force makes you go up a bit, its like that. The goose honks.

Don,key kong looses his balance and starts to also move around the room, slamming into chairs ad important documents and flowers. They somehow get through the very small door and now they’re causing chaos in the hlalway too. Soon enough they git the fully lit up candelabra with real candles bc the president is stupid and the flowers and important documents and rugs and paintings all go up in flames, and now donkey kong is trying to escape the burning building and get rid of this stupid stupid goose.

DK burstss out the door and stumbles all the way past the fence and into that reflecting pool, finally knocking the goose off as it enters its favored habitat. Dk turns around to ee that the white house is completely aflame. It must have a burn time of like three minutes or something.

It was a shame that he didn’t get the presidents skull, but like, he could root throught the ashes. Bones dont butn i dont think. Anyways, DK had learned one thing, and it was to never work witht his stupud horrible goose ever again-

Wait, where was it? DK couldnt find it anyhweres. Donkey kong shoots the water with his gun in frustration. Welp. guess its gone to cause more problems. St least he never has to see it again.


End file.
